Monkeys Play By Sizes
Meeting, falling in love with and marrying someone is one thing, living with them in their micro-culture is another thing. once you come into that space, you willfully submit to the way of life of the person. The most you can hope for are a few compromises here and there, to makes your stay comfortable and make you feel a part of them. To marry someone who may see the world differently from you, and therefore mold their timelines to suit their dreams, hopes and drive, and hope to change them after marriage is suicidal. This is what many have suffered in their marriages - suicide.
A strong person is passionate about their dreams and where they want to go in life. Sometimes, you actually meet them on that journey to self actualization. You do yourself harm when you think you can join them for all the wrong or selfish reasons, and along the line make them change their course of life to suit your whims. Most people have tried this at home, and suffice it is to say, they hurt themselves badly. You need to ask yourself if you can play in this league, if you are willing to play in this league; indeed if you have what it takes to play in this league. Be honest with yourself.
For the Sisters, when a man talks to you about his dreams and aspirations, you should not just look at the beauty of it and embrace it; ask yourself if you can handle it. Ask yourself If you have what it takes to go along and stay with him all the way through. He wants to be a pastor; are you carved out for a pastor’s wife? Will your personal preferences make you a good wife for him and make you a good person for your office as a pastor's wife? Can you cope with the long weeks of fasting and the rigorous morning and evening bible studies and the lot. Can you cope with being in the mood and being told he is fasting or he cannot have it in the kitchen or in the sofa, or that he finds your positions and tastes quite sinful and 'undignified?'
Can you wrap your mind around the fact that you may be told you cannot put on your wild anklets, have body pierces and tattoos and dresses that reveals what yo mama gave ya? That's right, Sista! Oh and you must, most likely, change all or some of your friends because they do not fit in the ‘kind of people who should be a pastor’s wife’s friends. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that drastic pruning and makeover? If you can’t, there is no shame, don’t waste his or your time. This does not get any easier. Don’t get into his life and aspire to change him to suit you. You will not know true happiness. Every office has its own demands, if you are not cut for it, stay out of it.
Are you ready for a man who travels most part of the year working all over the place? Can your sexual drive as a woman, contain a man who is only in town for a few days in a month? Do you think such a relationship or marriage will make it easy for you to be faithful? Do you see yourself being faithful in such a marriage, if your husband refuses to quit of find a new job?
Some men see money, wealth and Prosperity differently. Can you handle a man whose idea of wealth and prosperity is to open his gates to his family and to yours and to the general public without amassing anything for himself? Can you live with a man who finds fulfillment in the fact that he has cast his bread far and wide and is not hording? He is rich by all standards, but it does not show in where you live, what you drive or what you wear because he sees money differently. Can you handle that?
There are so many things that defines a man, as a woman, when he shares them with you, how do you handle the ones you know you can't deal with, especially when they are not necessarily bad traits, but just not your ideal traits?
And to the Men, you need to face these realities. She earns good cash, sits on top of the corporate ladder, comes from a prominent background; all nice and good. With this enormous power concentrated in the hands of a woman, have you ever taken it upon yourself to find out within yourself, if you have what it takes to date and marry such a woman? Do you have what it takes, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, Knowledge-wise and in terms of maturity to be called her husband? Can you afford a woman of such enormous worth?
I strongly advocate that men should grab the chance when women of higher social standing show interest in them. But I also appreciate the unavoidable fact that eventually, it will go beyond what might have attracted her to you, to what you are bringing to the table as a man. That is where you need to ask yourself, if you have what it takes to be with such a woman. Remember, she will not come to you on your terms, because you are in a weaker position socioeconomically. She will come to you on her terms, but as a man, you show your worth by leveraging on other areas in her life that makes her need a man. Can you identify that place? Because if you cannot, then the equation will be reduced to figures, and she will do well to keep your eyes and attention on her money, and beat you at that game.
Again, and taking the argument a step deeper, the demands of women vary with education, exposure, biological growth, maturity, economic empowerment, social standing, spiritual maturity among others. So do not grab a woman because she is all that, and do not allow yourself to be deceived into a relationship because the woman has all the nice qualities. If you are not in tune with her reality you cannot live inside it. You do not let your ego, as a man, deceive you; not all women are carved for every man. You cannot go about spreading your authority and demanding that women bow before you. If you don’t have what it takes to live your life with such a woman, in all the constraint of her life and its experience, do not waste her time as well as yours. You will be frustrated.
Let me use a simple laundry for example... for a regular Hankie, a six year old can handwash, rinse and squeeze the water out of it. For a regular tee shirt, a 13 year old can do that job. How about an adult size jeans or a beach towel? You need certain amount of strength and muscles to get it handwashed and squeezed. What about white clothes? It’s for Grown-ups who understand the art of washing and where to wash. That is how the 21st Century women are. Not all of them are for all kinds of men. Some require tact to manage, others require strength; be it emotional, spiritual, mental or financial.
Who are you talking to right now as a man about to marry? Who are you considering as a woman in the prime of your life? Do you have what it takes to marry such a person, knowing once you marry, you may have to live in their reality? But going beyond you, does the person have what it takes to marry you, with all your dreams and hopes and your path in life? Can they trot with you? If you do not fit into their bigger picture, or they do not fit into yours and you know these areas of differences are irreconcilable, i advise you to find the exit and save yourself a lifetime of misery.
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