Are You Married? Make The Transition From 'ME' And 'I' To 'US' And 'WE&#
Marriage life doesn't just happen; it takes a lot of intentional decisions and choices over a period of time to have the complete picture. However, every single step or action we take must help us get closer to getting that complete picture. Some of the choices and actions may be the big boulders, others may be the little tiny grains of sand, yet at the end of the day, all these actions must lead us to having that beautiful picture called Marriage.
Many young couples today are struggling to make the transition from single life to married life. Some walk around with nothing but a ring and a few wedding pictures to show they are married. Their choice of company, recreation, dominant thoughts and themes of conversation show a man or woman still steeped waist deep in their singleness.
Today, I want us to look at one such transition many young couples need to make – the transition from I and Me to We and Us. It is one area you find a lot of singleness in expression. I did this, I did that. Let me do this, let me do that. After marriage, however, we move from individuality and closet dwelling within the broader community of marriage, to an altruistic and open dorm kind of living and expression.
Once you marry, your vocabulary must change in certain areas of your speech. The 'I' or 'Me' must give way to 'We or 'Us'. It shows togetherness, one front, one direction and a mechanical solidarity. There will be things that we may still capture in the individual ‘I’ or ‘Me’ sense because they are not representative of the couple. There are, however, certain things that, though in truth are individually manifested or executed, are symbolic of the union and indicative of the degree of cohesion and synergy. These things are best described in the collective sense to send a certain kind of signal to any observing party.
A woman who keeps using 'I/ME' when making references to family issues, paints her husband in a bad light, as though he is irresponsible and not up to his duties. Even if that is the case, you use WE/US to cover his nakedness in areas where he is genuinely unable to support. Eg, WE bought a house, WE have bills and School fees to pay, so WE cannot be of Help. On behalf of my husband and myself, WE are making this donation. WE have decided to do this, or WE have decided not to do this.
A man who keeps using 'I/ME', relegates his wife to the background, silences her and reduces her to one of the many people and things he takes care of, creating the impression she is of little consequence in the realities surrounding him. Using the WE and US shows a sense of involvement on the part of the woman, even if in reality it is not so. That gives her a sense of belonging, calms her fears about the future and elevates her in the eyes of those around. Eg. WE are putting money aside to take the family on vacation. This action of yours is an attack on US etc.
It kills every man or woman, when family and friends make comments like, Ama's Car or Your Husband's house, even when these things were acquired after marriage, and they are not official properties. How did they know you bought the car or the house? Because it came up in a conversation, and in proving a point, bragging or being naive about it, you blurted it out. Now everyone knows, someone is living in a house or driving a car they have no financial interest in. Today it is mentioned as a statement of fact; tomorrow it will be used as an insult to them.
My dear young man, my dear young women, the two becoming one is not a magical transformation. You work hard and consciously at it. To get there, you must be willing to lose a measure of yourself, your individuality and personal space for it; you must develop your altruistic side and be willing to see beyond yourself.
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