Predators - When Men Go Raw And Blunt
STRONG LANGUAGE, EXPLICIT DEPICTION OF SEXUAL ACTIVITIES. TYPICAL GHANAIAN SOCIAL INSULTS.
"Ah you paa, we dey talk about real GOAT ah you say watin? Messi? Shun the loose talk w'ate” Kofi said almost poking his finger into Robert's eyes. “Ah we want people wey dem dey perform within club den national teams ah, you sey who? You no dey see the Miracles Ronaldo dey do? Why, you get blindness in additions to all your problems? Ma guy, what you dey talk about?”
“Massa abi we all dey here!” Robert responded equally enthusiastic; carrying the spirit of the dimly lit room with him. The pub was buzzing and pulsating; drinks were overflowing as groups of young men argued over the ultimate outcome of the match between Argentina and Croatia in the Group D Round 2 match in the ongoing 2018 World Cup.
“Make we bet! You wan bet?” Kofi said getting off his seat and pulling out an impressively stuffed wallet from his back pocket. “I go put this wallet for top! Ah what you dey talk about? This bi the wallet. Make you bring your own. I say today Messi no go score sef make Argentina win. If Croatia no whip Argentina, call me Efua.
“But you, the Coats who they get for dema team inside?” Robert retorted taking the argument personal. "We dey talk about Messi and Argentina, you dey here dey run your mouth."
Massa, you go bet? Make we bet!!! Mention proper name make I shiver ah you dey here dey tell me sey Messi! Aahh you no dey shy saf? Why you bi kiddy you take your head whack ground or what? You fool waa! Sia laidat. Messi! Charlie make you no do make I insult your village people.
"Listen, make them give the Argentine team Messi then the Keeper p3; these two, Alla, them go score the Croats! Vim!" Robert insisted Messi was the Real G.O.A.T. and he was going to perform magic on the field, in spite of his unimpressive performance in their opening game.
“Kwaseakwa! See the nkwaseas3m he dey tell me. You fool k3k3” Kofi said mildly annoyed.
“That bi the fact!” Robert said with full confidence.
Wey fact? Make I give you real fact; after this World Cup, Messy Messi will be done! Massa make you no waste my time! We all dey here. You dey talk like your balls dey your head inside. You fit compare Messi to Ronaldo?
“We go see” Robert said confidently. “Abi them dey come start noor this”
Quaffz Pub was filling up with soccer fans from all over Accra. The high octane noise in the crowded pub was so overbearing no one noticed the argument between Kofi and Robert. Indeed, everyone was arguing in support of a team or the other. Most of the Argument was basically about Messi and Ronaldo, even though Ronaldo was not playing.
“Obooo Puni!” Kofi burst out in a torrent of excitement as Paul entered the pub, looking cool and ‘self-aware’ “Obooo Puni! Obooooooo PUNI! PU PU NI” Kofi pulled his brown and very dirty face towel from his pocket waving it over Paul, who was also a Ronaldo fan.
“Yo yo yo!” That’s me, player!" Paul responded feeling cool and enjoying every bit of the attention Kofi’s excitement was bringing him. It was, however, more of his perfume, height and suave features which drew attention from the few ladies around to him.
He paused in his steps, looked over his left shoulders and then the right one. “Yup! That’s me right here dawg! Straight up!”
“Nooo body like me, player! I run things!”
“Kwasia boy! Where you go dey?” That was Robert’s welcome. “Why you switch off your phone?”
“Massa, wo y3 kurasini anaa? You no know say then I make busy!”
“Abi then you dey do the girl!” Robert asked, suddenly repulsed by Paul’s compulsive womanizing.
“Which of them?” Paul asked casually.
“You fool waa; commot for there. That bi all you know do. So so women!” Kofi said in disgust.
“Why you figure sey God give me the THING sey make I take play golf or what? It is for do-ment, people, it is to do the do! And I do not intend to disappoint God in the least.” Paul said without a moment consideration. “Oya, Make I think. What you broke asses go suck? It’s on me! Cash no ab3t3 rough!”
“So who was it this time?” Robert asked, genuinely concerned.
Paul looked at Kofi with a sly smile on his face.
“Idiot, why are you looking at me? He asked you a question, answer.”
I just dey wonder what’sup with his morbid fascination with my sex life like, dude, I can’t do you! I am straight. Paul said, in a voice steeped in sarcasm
“Apuu” Robert literally screamed, “Not for all the money in the world!”
“So why are you interested in those who crash in my crib?” Paul asked still smiling.
“Well just to be sure it is not my girlfriend or sister.” Robert answered, trying to sound detached.
“So you don’t even mind that it could be someone’s girlfriend?” Paul asked rhetorically.
“If you do not see anything wrong with it, why should someone be burdened by it?” Kofi threw it at Paul. “As if you have been cursed to sleep with people’s girlfriends. You try that nonsense for ma yard. Like me then you, bloody things koraa”
“What are you saying?” Paul asked, giving that notion a deeper thought. “I sleep with people’s girlfriends?”
“Why then he dey talk den water dey in mouth inside?” Robert retorted.
“I don’t sleep with people’s girlfriends; I sleep with cheap, weak willed, immoral, loose women. That is who I sleep with. As to whether they are people’s girlfriends or not, that is besides the point.”
“The Hell??? You can actually describe women you sleep with as cheap, and immoral.” Kofi stated, every bit disappointed that that could come from a guy who puts himself out to be a gentleman.
“Yes yes, that is what they are. Because clearly if they are morally upright and place any value on themselves, they would not be with people they proclaim they love and deceive the world into believing so, and in the cover of darkness, or in the cloak of distance and anonymity come and spread their legs in my bed or invite me over into theirs.” Paul viciously defended himself.
“Heeerrr?” Kofi screamed in utter apprehension, though that was not completely strange to him.
"Heeerrr Sen?" Paul jumped over the attempted guilt trip. “I don’t put a gun to their heads, I don’t threaten them with acid. Not a single woman can accuse me of using duress to make them open their legs, so what are you guys talking about?”
“It is what you tell them!” Robert cried out. “You lead them on”
“Cut the crap Massa. I only seek my interest. Yes, I am selfish. I please myself. But I don’t think I threaten any of them…I don’t think I pulled a gun on any of them to give in. They fell for it; my words. And you know... I can give you guys a few tips on WOOING WOMEN 101” Paul said without any shame.
“Are you not supposed to know better? Do you not respect boundaries? These women have boyfriends” Robert Challenged him.
“What are you two talking about?” You suddenly became women advocates? What happened to the logic of the Alpha Male?" Paul said, completely detached from the reality embedded in the conversation.
"I am selfish, something I am yet to wake up and feel bad about. I go around thinking about how I can get what I want in life, which includes women. I am not as weak-willed as society makes men appear; I make choices and I act on them. I am not a dog; on the contrary, when I know what I want, the 'how' becomes a matter of strategy, and for women, the strategy, has and will always be with impressions.
I invest money in my looks, I invest time in quality lifestyle and I spend time learning all the right things to say to a woman, and striking when the moment is right. You can call it whatever you want, but well the reality is that we are all the same, different level of investment and outcomes, but we are pretty much the same.
And talking about Boundaries. Maybe their boyfriends and husbands should strengthen their boundaries.
“Husband?!!!” Kofi caught the word in full force. “Oh my God! You sleep with people’s wives too”
“What can I say…." Paul said with a Shrug. “You know… stuff happen. Don’t be too animated over this. Nature, doesn’t respect boundaries; if you love and appreciate what you have, you guard it. You do not expect another man to come playing the Bro Code game.”
"I mean, it's just sex not a nuclear holocaust. You two need to chill. And in any case, that is what you get when we have 25 year olds and 26 year olds getting married without a clue as to what they are getting into. That is what you get when these little minded people get married and they think it is only sex and roses, champagnes and tours until they get disillusioned and suddenly start thinking maybe marriage was not a good idea after all” Paul justified himself.
"Listen, I admit someone’s wife is wrong, plain wrong." He said introspectively.
“So why do it?” Robert asked, clearly upset with Paul and with men in general. His fear was the reality that anyone can come after his girlfriend or wife, and it will be seen as something as trivial as everyday occurrence.
"I don’t know. Maybe I have not taken time to think about it to its fullest conclusion aside the fact that I am selfish, and these women come to me to get what their men should be giving to them. I mean, think about it; why would a married woman be disillusioned a year into her marriage?"
“Ah, what are you saying?” Robert asked surprised any man could be that callous. “Are you saying that you take advantage of married women who are finding their footings in their marriages?”
“Well I won’t describe my benevolence in such demeaning terms. No.” Paul explained. “I tell them what their busy husbands are not telling them. I take disillusioned wives, tell them what they want to hear, take them to where they want to go, do for them what they want and try not to do to them what they do not want. And most often, it is very little they want from their men…but well…as you all know… men want to be men…I try to be human. And in my humanity, these helpless ladies I have helped…find very gratifying ways of thanking me…”
“You are disgusting!” Kofi said, shaking his head.
“I know…. But at least I am honest about it. I do not pretend to be a good friend with my ex and sleep with her when her boyfriend has accepted me as brother and a good friend."
“That is complicated than you think” Kofi retorted angrily.
“Really? How complicated? You broke up with this girl after you met Joan, so why can’t you let her go? You know she is vulnerable around you yet you deliberately keep in touch. And anytime you have problems with Joan, you ran to her and bed her till she starts thinking there is a future with you. Do you know how that is also impacting on her relationship? Well lemme tell you; anytime she is with you, she starts acting up on her boyfriend. Can we count the number of times she threatened to break up with the guy? And it is all because of you.”
“Ah what is this guy talking about” Kofi said feebly.
"I am not judging. The Lord knows I have my issues. But I was hoping you will not judge me. I sleep with all kinds; I am active like that. Married, single, old young. I am their man. Life is too short, and if I am going to hell, I want to go in grand style. But you hypocritical mofos sitting me here to spew such fuckery is beyond me."
"Eiii massa you bore? Small matter we dey talk ooh. We are all hoping for your good, yoo." Robert said trying to tone down the pressure on Paul.
“Abeg seek your own salvation with trembling and fear wae. I am good.” Paul said livid with rage.
“You Kofi, you know you do not intend to marry her. This guy is serious about her. Why are you making her sway? So you are like a boss; you sleep with Joan and sleep with your ex. I hope you will not mind if you get to find out that someone else is sleeping with Joan. And you are here threatening Fire and Brimstone if I sleep with your girl. Kwasia laidat! Please do not lecture me on morality. If you want real faces to the issues, look at your own face in the mirror!”
“Paul, all you are saying about Kofi could be true.” Robert started in a frank voice.
“It is true, not could be true.” Paul stated in correction.
“Yes…granted…but it is just one person not a bunch of countless…"
“One girl is a human being…a woman…it does not make her less countable and therefore negligible in the statistics.” Paul countered. "I have lost count, you have got the count; but we are all in skirts that do not belong to us. Nigger stop!
And I guess all these morality lectures are coming from a place of good intentions. Clap for yourselves. But you see, the same Bible you are using to flog me, though you have not explicitly quoted it, is not to be used in parts. If I am sleeping with a woman I am not married to, I am break its teachings. It does not matter whether it is with one woman or a thousand women. So on that score we are all wrong here.
At least, I try, I really try not to do girls whose boyfriends I know. But you Kofi, that guy sees you as that Bro he can trust with his woman. He respects your long standing friendship, despite the romantic bit. He has opened his arms to you; you drink his water, eat his food and sleep in his house from time to time. That is someone you don’t stab in the back. He is not nagging her to cut ties with you. He respects that some things can’t be disconnected.
What do you think he will do when he finds out that when he is done over the weekend, you water it from Monday to Friday night? Nigger spare me the fuckery! We are all guilty, so when we meet, we should eat the bread of sorrow and not get our judgmental game through the roof. Take several seats back with your nonsense"
“Well, still the point remains that this is getting out of hand. You expose yourself and the women you sleep with to all manner of diseases." Robert said lamely.
“Waa hwe, wae so fa wo ho? This one be your matter? Like I said, I am not responsible for the actions of a man who cannot show his girlfriend enough love, attention, emotional care and take a little bit of time out of his busy schedule to check up on her. Am not gonna be a moral tinker on people’s loopholes. If your girlfriend falls for me because I am romantic, caring and sweet, I will bed her over and again as long as she keeps coming for more and stupidly believe she can tie me down. Do I look like I care about any heartbreak? Or I look like the kind of guy who is ready to settle down now. Let us face it, some women can be very stupid to still believe in fantasies and close their eyes where every eye must be wide open."
“You need help!” Robert said resignedly.
“Robert? Me? When was the last time you had sex? Two weeks ago? How long have you gone out with Becky? One year?” Paul was visibly upset.
“What has….” Robert attempted to stop Paul fearing what was coming.
No no no listen to me…Make I finish” Paul stopped Robert from interrupting him.
“Yes I am listening”
“I remember you telling us that you guys are going it ‘no sex before marriage’. I am putting it to you; either you are sleeping with her or you are sleeping behind her. And I can bet my last pesewa on it that you are not sleeping with her. So who is this lady? Or ladies?”
“What are you talking about?” Robert asked visibly dazed from that unexpected spill over
“Am talking about you hypocrites who pretend to agree to ladies’ proposal of ‘no marriage no sex’ yet go behind them to sleep with other girls, making them believe you understand them and that you are being faithful to them.”
“Oh like you did with Vida?” Kofi attempted to nail Paul down. It didn’t work.
“Vida? Seriously? Vida was different” Paul said unperturbed.
“How different?” Robert asked
“When Vida said no sex before marriage, I told her I could not handle it. She loved me and begged me to understand. So anytime I wanted sex and she denied me, we argued, fought and broke up. That technically meant we were not together right? That freed me to go and bed some other girl. Simple. And by the time she comes begging, I would have had my full share of this other girl to last me a month or more. I accept her and leave this other girl, and voila, we rowing like that. That is how different mine was. No cheating. Anything I do out of a relationship is not cheating, is it? You see, I am not just a charmer; I am also smart. Medaase! Let the Accolades flow, sia man!”
“You are evil.” Kofi said.
“Ho! Wo na wu bu Evil. Yes I am the devil. I have horns, a cute wiggly tail and red in the face. At least I look it. Not a ravenous wolf in some stupid ass sheep skin!” Paul said dismissing the notion that he was beyond moral salvage.
“You Robert, you den Naa start dey go out then she no be virgin? You lie am say you be virgin. You had your side gig then. You forced this girl to sleep with you, unleashing a sex monster. Sake of you, this girl stopped singing in the choir, this girl literally stopped all her church activities. When she finally came back to her self and wanted and end to it all, you dumped her.”
“Ah” Robert attempted to protest.
“Please, I am not used to being interrupted. Do you know how God looks at you? I may have broken sacred vows and I know in the future, karma will come for his pound of flesh, but you took more. You took a child from God, messed her up and threw her back at God. Weddings vows could be acceptable to God or not, depending on the motives of those saying it. But a virgin and a dedicated girl in the house of God? That is a real commitment. They won’t tell you that in church. Call Pastor Paul la. Nokre nkoaa, ya dun know"
“Pastor...hm.... Massa, we we dey tell you. You go fit listen or not. It is up to you.” Kofi said quietly…almost a whisper to himself.
“You have no shame,” Robert said trying to shake the spotlight off him. “You slept with Joe Pinto’s Girl when she came to share her problems with you. Yes we all did not know him well then, but the lady trusted in you and come to you.
“What is this guy talking about? You want to score a point?” Paul spat out angrily. “I did not rape her if my memory serves me right. Look, it is only a dumb man or woman who will go and talk to someone of the opposite sex, when they are facing problems in their relationship or marriage! Do I need to tell you that is a recipe for disaster? Am I a pastor? Do I look like a counselor?”
When you are looking for someone to share your relationship problems with, go to a competent and qualified counselor or psychologist. Go to someone who will help you, not someone you want to vent on. Two different things, my friends...two different things. I am not a counsellor. I am not bound by anything to keep your information confidential, exercise duty of care or not prey on you. If you want all that, pay and get help. If you come for it from me Pro Bono, without any paperwork, then I will need to get paid or laid. Well that technically is not Pro Bono. Listen, the point is, when you need help, go to competent people.
Like, going to a man to tell him your vagina itch, because he looks like a gentleman. Are you serious? Is he a Gynae? Me, when you come to me, we will talk like friends. I will tell you what I think and if you fall for me, well…stuff will go down. It is what it is. If you want someone to talk to, go and talk to PG Sebastian or Uncle Ebo or any of those counsellors. Me, like all of you, and most men and women, if you bring your relationship problems to me…and I find you to be my taste, I will pretend to advise you…and consciously or unconsciously vilify your partner, make you fall for me and take my cut. Ad3n M'egyimi?"
“Not all men are like you.” Robert said, strongly disagreeing with Paul on that assertion.
“I do not dispute that…but you said NOT ALL MEN…so you see…there are some like me…and it might interest you to know…we are a lot. Men taking over other guys' women…women taking over other women’s men…keep playing the naïve one and see if we will not use your cutlass to gut a python.”
“And to think about it... what is it koraa about you? Kwasia like you. Every woman dey feel you.” Kofi said giving Paul a mild smack on his head.
“ME? Nothing. I do not play the judge. I tell them what their itchy ears want to hear even if it is taking them to their graves, as long as I get what I want. They think their partners, being firm and honest, are the enemies…well the enemy is the one who patronizes you. But they never seem to learn, even after Eve and all of them. They still fall for the flattery.
“So you are the enemy then” Kofi said.
“Look guy," Paul started reflectively, "I am not the one with the problem here? And I do not think any of you think you are the cause of whatever sexual impropriety you are engaged in. Women are their own enemies. And…well men are their own enemies too; forget Bro Code. Are you kidding? No be women dey do other women dema men? No be boys they do other boys dema girls? Massa. You get some, do, otherwise get a gun or juju. Easy like Sunday morning koraa. Ain't nobody got time for stress. You do me, I do you.
Last time I checked most of these issues with men being unfaithful is not in the domain of men who are using money or their position to sleep with vulnerable women. Most of these men have nothing. It is not true that women are ALWAYS the victims. Do you know the number of women out there, serving it hot for men even when we decline? Me, what I get? Alost man like me. But ano dey get some? Adey get. Wey ibi same thing for girls too. Boys dey chase girls worse than dema woman, but still dem dey chase.
Charlie, Ma yendwen. Behind every man giving his wife or girl one drama or the other, is another woman encouraging it. Behind every woman cheating on his man is another man encouraging it. If we fix us and stop pointing fingers at others, there will be no cheating spree.
“I do not agree to that.” Robert said. “Some women do not know these men are not in relationships or marriages”
“Do I look like I give two rat butts about what you agree to and what you do not?” Paul said arrogantly. “How many women leave their men when they find out that these men have other women? Oh I have fallen for him I can’t let him go. Oh I have to fight for him to show my love. And well, the man gets so proud of himself that he has two women fighting over him. That is enabling him to think it is his right to cheat. You enable the man and you blame him for taking the offer? Bloody hell!
How many women even take the pain to investigate the background of the men who come into their lives? They take every word we tell them on the face value. How many even ask questions when we tell them the most ridiculous of lies? When a fine guy like me (dating or married) tells you I have a problem with my woman, so let’s be together while I break off with the other woman and you believe him, no be fool wey you fool? Do you even pause to ask how many women he sold that story too? Do you even ask yourself, what the other woman has to say in all of this?
And when crap hit the fan you blame someone else? Kindly remind me of why God gave you the brains. Have you heard of the principle of Caveat Emptor? Let the buyer beware. They did not say let the seller beware. I sell my ware; I am responsible for those who buy and their choices in life. Give the one who invented the Caveat Emptor expression two shots of JD on my account. In your face!”
“You are too smart, don’t waste it.” Kofi said, feeling completely judged and found guilty.
My friend, don’t patronize me. Esi knows of Joan; why does she keep giving in to you? Who is the evil person here? You? I don’t think so. It is Esi. And why is that? Because of some stupid belief that you will leave Joan for her - betraying her boyfriend and undermining Joan. A class two kid can tell you that if you love me, leave her first, then you can have me”.
“I don’t think I am a bad person…” Paul said, thought about it for a second and changed his impression of himself. “Ok I am…as a Mass Server; I shouldn’t do the Choristers and the Priest's daughters and all that… But I think I am a living proof that nature abhors vacuum…when you leave a vacuum in your life….someone will occupy it.
Whatever, Bruh, just dey gee. Kofi said, listlessly. We just dey advise.
“Save the effort. You will need it.” Paul rubbished Kofi’s plea. “I do not intend to stop the way I live. It is the best thing that happened to me…. Yea, I know I may die from the very best thing that happened to me. But I prefer to die on my own terms, in between the thighs of a woman, than to pretend I am holy and die when my hypocrisy hit the ceiling. On Judgment day, who I am will not shock anyone…but you two and the many more who parade yourselves as saints? Tweaaaaa
Ok philosopher, can we watch our game? Clearly this conversation has lost its steam and direction. I am honestly not sure what we are talking about. Robert said, bored.
Yea make we watch. Where the drinks dey? Nkwaseafuo like you make I thirst sef. Next time think before you come and talk distin. Forkings!
Will you say Paul is making valid points? If yes explain, if no, explain.
How true is the view that 'Behind every man giving his wife or girl one drama or the other, is another woman encouraging it and the reverse
Do you know any 'Kofi' around you?
Do you know any Robert Around you?
How can women avoid falling prey to men like Paul?
I this conversation very typical of men?
Do girls also have such frank and charged conversations?
Do you think we all need to be able to address issues from time to time and not get emotional and fight?
Share what you think in the comment box and share with your friends to join the conversation.
_________________________________________________________________________________________ Note: This article was originally published in April 2013, on my previous blog. I have tweaked it to bring a little bit of life to it and to fuse it into the current world cup frenzy.