The Lonely Sister Up There
Dear Girlfriend, Let's gist small. Wetin we gain, if we allow this Sunday to pass without small konkonsa? So yep, let's talk. This will not be our everyday konkonsa where I tell you about guys and their tunaabu shadders, and you fall off the chair rolling on the floor laughing out loud. I am going to tell you something that you might probably not want to hear. But better it is to understand the reality that confronts you as you grow and advance in life...especially life in these parts.
See, as a woman, in a culture that makes it an anathema for you to grow and self actualize to your fullest potential, you need to understand one irrefutable truth; the Higher you go, the lonelier you will get, the colder you will feel and the smaller your crowd will become. As you climb up the social ladder, some folks will leave, and you must learn to actively cut some off too. Watch out for those painfully steeped in social stereotypes.
You will have to wake up to the existential reality that you will need a new crowd made up of those who see through your eyes, and those who face the same direction as you. When you wake up one day and your friends are few and you feel all alone and cold; be glad because you are going somewhere.
It is not everyone who must sit with you in your glory. Do not be deceived; some will be there to ensure they take the oxygen out of your fire. They tamper with your progress with carefully baked out crap that is intended to sound like wisdom. Watch out for the wisdom that always comes out as No, especially because you are a woman, not because it is an objective NO. Watch out when each of these Nos, limits you, makes you drop, and takes away your peace.
In your hour of elevation, some people will lose their ability to give taste to your life; cut them off. Small boyfriends who want to keep you small so they can be big in their eyes, must find the exit. Family members who have not achieve much, and cannot stand to have you sit at the head of the table, belong in that category too. Friends who will intentionally ill-advise you so that a fledgling relationship is abandoned in exchange for trivia. Friends who will break up your home, because you seem to have it all figured out: good job, good husband, good social standing. Naah. Something must come down. Let them go; you owe yourself that luxury.
Do not live in the lie that old friends and old relationships can't be abandoned. Anything that has outlived its usefulness should not occupy precious space, while critical new entries struggle to find space. At best we are intrinsically selfish.
Will your friends and family, become slow so they can crawl with you? Nope. That clueless boy with a huge sense of entitlement that you don't want to dump because he was there from the beginning; will he still suck up to you when he gets that political appointment and girls are tipping all over? Will he remember to take you along, or slow down for you to catch your breath in his fast lane to greatness? No one will slow down for you, so do not slow down for those who don't want to catch up.
It is not your responsibility to stay small so he catches up with you. You all have the opportunity to grow. You do not help anyone by being mediocre so you can fit better into his small scheme of things. How about him proving his worth not in his ability to keep you boxed in, but his ability to improve himself, even if with baby but steady steps?
Take the hard and lonely path if you really want to go somewhere. You don't have a lot of cheerleaders, my friend. Your girls will stab you in the back, and the men, in between your thighs...basically, at your most fortunate, someone is looking to get you screwed up. Sorry...that didn't come out well.
The master even suggested amputations (even if he was being figurative) so the rest of you can make it to Heaven. If the whole master says to cut off your hand if that will hinder you from entering heaven, who am I, a mere broke Ghana boy, to tell you to carry a gangrene arm to the pearly gate and get thrown out by St Peter? Sister, You have a bigger calling than just "Crabby" relationships that are not working.
In your hour of glory, you cannot afford lose talkers, vile conversations, little minds, shortsighted people and those who objectify women for sport. Know your worth; put value on your time. You cannot pat pessimists at the back and hug draw-backers! Where you sit, if they are not pushing you up or coming along in the things that are precious to you, then you should be at a T-junction with them...and be sure to move in opposite directions.
It will be a lonely road, Sweetie. The nights will be cold and long, and phone calls will be short and tasteless, but that is the price you pay to be up there. Sometimes you may end up talking to random people just to feel alive...Conversely, you settle for the narrative and the stereotype, and kiss Big Womanism bye.
When you decide to marry, some friends must go; those who fundamentally think marriage is a waste of time, those who think any man or woman is a potential bed-mate, any man who feels they cannot love you unless you are flapping your tongue all over their boots, any man who feels marriage is nothing but a contract. These people must go because they are everything that can guarantee you a ‘What-A-Shock’ or ‘Gone-Too-Soon’ Marriage. Be careful who you listen to when you marry. Not all advice are from good place.
Sitting up there makes you a target for bored persons looking for an Ahhaa-we-said-she-can't-keep-a-marriage moment. Not every advisor is competent enough to advise a woman of your stature on how to manage your home. The basic advice for basic chics is not for you. You are a Boss Chic; If your advisors and those you surround yourself with do not understand and appreciate your reality, they may ill advice you and break your home up. The Higher you go, the more layers of filtering you put in place regarding what you hear and what you practice.
Choose your friends carefully when you decide the turn to God. Up there, many will swarm you and pretend they have a message from God Himself for you. They will latch unto you, and leech on you. Be mindful of those seeing into your life; be careful with who is speaking into your life. Be discerning when it comes to who you are sharing your life and its daily happenings with. Some have no clue, neither have they heard anything, but your money and company are good so they will come up with something to keep the charade going. Up there, even those you surround yourself with spiritually must be vetted. At the top people play golf, do charity events, join high powered social clubs, have tea parties, go to balls and other high brow events. At the bottom is salon gossip and hours of idle talk.
Don't waste your time trying to be good enough to belong. There is a crowd that will embrace you just the way you are; look out for it and you will be good just as you are. Success, Love, Salvation, Breakthrough, Family, Health, among others are individual issues. Blessed are you if you have a crowd that moves with you. If you do not, create a new crowd that sees the world like you do. If you do not fit somewhere, you don't necessarily change to fit; sometimes, you look for where you can fit effectively, just the way you are.
From now on, you need to deal with the excess baggage that is weighing you down, and preventing you from reaching your full potential. God is sending you somewhere, let go off the past. Those who want to come along have legs; let them run up and catch up. Shut your ears and don't pay attention to all the comments being passed; people are clearly less busy.
Those who want to please everyone never get to focus on anything important, and never achieve any goal set. Be wise, be discerning and...(yawwnnn....) Charlie...I dey feel sleepy, let's continue this another time. Much love sugarplum.