That Is Why I am Walking Out On Him: A Conversation At A Restaurant
I was waiting for my take-away order at a restaurant recently when these two ladies walked in and took the table behind me. One of them was on phone, giggling and flirting her heart out. she sat back to back with me so I could virtually hear whatever she was saying to this caller busily tickling her fancy.The rest of the story is the conversation that ensued between the ladies subsequently. Thankfully I waited 15 mins for my order to come during which time I could not help but eaves drop! Gosh I love my ears!
The views expressed therein are not mine, but that of Steph as her name happened to be; though I find it partly true.
“Who was that?” her friend asked after she got off the phone.
“A guy in my office” she answered chuckling.
“You were virtually flirting with him on the phone! You cannot be doing that; what happened to your boyfriend?” her friend scolded her.
“Yea, what happened to my boyfriend? I have been asking that question for the past three months.” She answered quietly.
“Yes what happened to him? You guys are cool, Right? I mean you guys are doing very well.” Her friend pressed her.
“The facade is holding perfectly well, but I am not about the paints neither am I about the location; it is about the quality behind the Facade." She replied, mildly annoyed. Her friend exhaled and asked her,
“Is there something I need to know Steph; what happened to you guys?”
“Oh, nothing really happened; Just a little bit of Hiplife happened to him; he says that shows you know what’sup. Football and snooker happened to my boyfriend; I perceive that is where he finds his masculinity better defined. Driving around with the boys and wasting money on expensive nothings; that is what happened to my boyfriend. Gucci is good; but investing for a brighter future is better - my boyfriend chose the former. What happened to my boyfriend? Taking me to all those fancy places and not knowing how to say, I am sorry for showing up late. Not knowing how to keep his hands off his phone for a minute while out on a date is what happened to him. Deciding when to be honest and when not to be; and most of the time choosing not to be, is what happened to him. What happened is that girl, whatever she calls herself, who is virtually like a no-go area in his life. A 28 year old man who insists on thinking his age and sometimes younger; and deliberately shutting his ears to prompts for a little display of maturity is what happened to my boy. What happened to us? When our conversation never has equilibrium and we never sync; two people talking about two different things. When our conversation is just words without meaning, holding no assurance, no comfort, no future...What happened to us? That’s what happened to us!
Being too big not to see how good I look and saying it; yet being too weak to restrain himself and contain his temper when I get Jealous about something. I thought jealousy was every woman’s middle name? Now I get blasted for my middle name! Oh and I get no explanation for whatever it was that excited my jealousy! When I have to wait for hours before my text get replied? And what more could be sad; when it’s a mis-text, if I can call it that - a text meant for someone else.When every lady around him gets treated like a queen except me; it is called, you-know-me-and-you-are-on-a-different-level. Different level as in I am on a lower level?
What happened to us? Well lemme talk for myself; a certain fine young man happened to me. A man who knows when it is boys’ day out and when it is a girl’s day in; and knows how to balance it so well his boys love him and his woman soundly goes to bed without a fuss. A man whose conversation makes you wish the future was here; paints a brighter picture of it and lets you see the steps he is taking to get there together with you. A man who makes every moment spent with him counts; makes the moment quality and not extravagant. A man who gives a better meaning to life, not just another meaning to it. A man who says what has to be said, when it has to be said, how it has to be said in a way that commands performance. Even when I am being a stubborn brat, I get managed without the drama; the one week phone off drama.
What happened to me? A man who puts value on me anytime I am with him. I am the queen not the other lady. If the other lady gets applause, I get a standing ovation. If the other lady is treated with courtesy, I get treated with utmost awe. If the other lady gets sorted out ASAP, I get sorted out in a blink of an eye. I don’t want to be missing in his crowd. What happened to me? I got lost in his crowd. There has to be just two people in his life. Me and the rest. I am selfish; I can't help it! I am not perfect, but I don’t want to be told I am not; this fine man is simply helping me change. I get my bashing if I go off track, but he knows how to put my heart back in a caring way. We don't always agree, but we don't sulk for days after an argument.
What happened to me is a man who knows there are some things that are priceless; my heart, my emotions, my dignity, my self-esteem, respect, trust and the likes. A man who calls to cancel a date hours before it is due, and with an explanation; not one hour after it was scheduled to take place. A guy who is always running around with excuses, begging for more time and doing the same thing over and over again? Hmm he might as well just look into my face and tell me to jerk off! I am sorry it is not good enough.
“Have you told him about it; how you feel?" Her Friend asked when she was sure Steph had poured enough of her heart out.
”Have I told him about it? A man who listens to you, but confirms it from others? A man who walks with anyone’s advice but yours? I may not be old and mature enough, but I certainly won’t be amused when what I say must be confirmed from some small girl or some small boy because they are old buddies. I am a woman in my own right. Have I told him? I can only help him to mature; but the real deal is in his hands. But from where I sit, it looks like he will ride a long time with his boys before he decides to be a man. Sorry, life is too short to waste it on diaper dandies. Have I told him? A man who wants to have sex every day yet runs for cover at the first sound of pregnancy? A man who gets uncomfortable at the mention of marriage?
“But don't you think what you are doing is not right; you are cheating on him”
"Am I?" Steph asked acting surprised at the thought on her cheating on her boyfriend. "Then he is dumb enough not to have seen it coming. Lemme remind you, I am not into this man because of sex or money, I just want someone who is serious about me and serious about life and serious about his own life!“
"Then break up with him!!”
“Haven’t I? Amazing! I broke up with him the same day I met this new guy... But again, he is too immature to notice when a woman is simply not there...”
“So what do you want with this guy?"
"What every woman wants; a measure of security for now and the future, appreciation, to be loved and respected; to be cared for and be held in good esteem.”
“Wow, money is missing...”
“Oh yea that one! Well I love cash when it is available and when a fool has it to lavish on me; but it won’t keep me warm, you know that. Besides, my identity will not be shaped in another man’s wealth; my identity is found in the shadows of the man who is willing to help me on how to make my own cash and create my own wealth! Thankfully this smart guy is doing right that. What can I say... a sister gotta learn how to grow her own cash, right?"
"So you guys are like what... dating....?"
"We are thinking of marriage..."
"Please sir, this is your order. (WHAT? THIS WAITRESS? OMG)"So quietly, I left the restaurant...So upset I did not get the complete story; eaves dropping or not!