I hope you are well. Please allow me to rant a bit. Growing up, our parents taught us about purity and how a girl should not give away the cookie to just any man other than her husband. Being the good listeners we were, we heard and we put in practice. So we hold onto the cookie to be given away in a marriage covenant. Now here is the problem; when the potential suitors hear about the rules governing the cookie, they scatter for life! Abeg what is the problem? I would think that the man would be proud of the fact that there is something kept exclusively for him, for marriage. Instead, they want to test drive, and when they won't get it, they scatter. Now my question is what do men truly want?
From a frustrated 29 year old Christian girl still practicing the words my parents taught me.
You are not alone in this. I can assure you, you are not. Many do not even feel proud to say they are virgins now. But it is perfectly fine. You make it easy for me by saying you are a Christian Girl. I will therefore look at it for you through that perspective so other Christian girls can pick a thing or two to run with. I will, however, extend it a bit more so other people who do not share your faith can pick something from it.
The First thing is your faith and your personal relationship with your God. It is not what is done in the church, or what is preached to you, or what you hear or see other Christians do. What does God say in His word? What does His word say about your body? What does God say about Fornication (which is any form of sexual relationship outside of the Marriage Covenant)? Do not let another man preach you another Gospel. Honour God with your body; He requires it. The Bible says to obey is better than sacrifice. All the Tithes and Offerings, and Church work will not make up for the basic act of Obeying the Word of God, not just the part which promises monetary returns.
Denying yourself the pleasures of this life is tough, I know. But it is not a sacrifice unless it costs you something. David said, I will not give anything to the Lord that will not cost me. For him, it was a parcel of land he had to pay for, for you, it is your body and the pleasures to be derived from it. That is Living Sacrifice. It is giving yourself to His dictates - your pleasures, your time, your choices, your will and your body.
The next thing to consider in all of this is yourself. Does keeping yourself make you any less of a woman? Does it make you inferior, and impairs your abilities to function as a normal member of society? Let me put it this way. Are those in sexual raves better than you? Are they making better strives in life, be it their romantic, financial, emotional or spiritual life? If no, then by all means please yourself. There is no proven direct relationship between sex and a man staying. Sex binds people, no doubt. But why bind yourself to someone you have no way of knowing if they will stay or leave?
To other girls, charlie sex is doing it and freeing your mind. Really, what is the big deal about it? Well that is OTHER GIRLS. Do you consider yourself as another girl? How you see yourself should influence your response to those who think you are weird to be Ribboned at 29. Ultimately, each person owns their body and what they do with it should never be determined by anyone. In the final analysis, we are all answerable in so many ways on and so many levels for the life we lead. So be sure, when you have to answer anyone, including yourself, you will be proud of the choices made by your good self.
The man who wants to sleep with you, primarily is out to seek his interest. Sex is no indicator of true love. Sleeping with you does not confirm his love. So the motives for him wanting to be in between your thighs may vary. Sadly, you will not know until he is done. So primarily, he is not driven by your interests but his. If that logic holds, then why should you be made to feel bad for also seeking after your own interest? Why is it out of place, or be made to feel like a taboo for wanting to be selfish with your sexual life?
And is it not amazing that men judge and humiliate women who give it upon a snap of finger? The more a woman has given it, the more men want to come and hit and run without any desire to commit. The word 'slut' is a degrading word which is not for virgins; it is for women who have been hounded by men to give in. It is a humiliating name given by men (and sometimes women) to women who feel it is their body and they will do what they want. They may not mention it, but how they treat you is enough to pronounce it. It is ironic; they will be with you, make you jump, dance, bend over a kitchen stool, and later call you ALL OVER THE PLACE Girl, while they look for little known girls to settle with. They want to be proud to point out girls they have bedded, but don't even want to know who bedded their wives before them. Don't add up to his tally.
Now when a man tells you, if you love me, let me do it, I believe he is saying fairly that if you love me, do not think about yourself alone but think about me too. Fair enough. But that is where you also ask him to love you enough not to think about his penis alone, but to think about your distin that you are preserving for the world cup, anaa? Now we will clearly have a tie here; a deadlock situation. But since it is always ladies first, this is where he swallows his interests, and allows your interest to stand. If he says no, that is a guy who would have done the do and disappeared any way. If now that you are chasing me, you can't sacrifice your personal interest to love me for me, what shows I have anything left to bargain with when you tie and ring me? It is a legitimate question to ask, my daughter, my sister.
Being a virgin is a personal choice. You must be hellova convinced in it that you will be willing to burn your certificates to protect it. Being a virgin or not being one, should not be because of what someone said; it should be because of what you feel, how you see yourself, what you intend to achieve with it in the long run. The fact that guys run from it, does not inherently make it wrong. I guess you have not met many good men. Again, the fact that they run when they hear it is indicative of the fact that you may want to change your crowd and your catchment area. I can assure you, not every man is running away from virgins, not even some of the hard core players. So never be discouraged because of a minority report. Not All Men Are Dogs!
There is the emotional aspects of sex as well. Most people caught up in abusive relationships are people in one form of a sexual bond or the other. The guy broke her, the guy is good, the guy knows the pleasure spots, etc. In the end, the abuse gets toxic before they break up, if they even do. Then there are those who leave with emotional baggage and its attending complicated sexual compatibility issues into their subsequent relationships. Of course, if three people have been there with all their vim and style, clearly you will have 3 people to compare the 4th person with, making you hard to please sexually. Each person leaves a bit of themselves in you, making it POTENTIALLY difficult to move on, or staying with one person. Which explains why most people cheat with their exes than with random strangers.
Most men who tell you I cannot leave without sex, are either lying (some are not even getting some to start with) or they are cheats. Ask them how they have coped. He will tell you he's been single for 6 months...he is thinking about himself. But dude is also telling you he can't live without sex for even a month. So either he is sleeping with Prostitutes or he is masturbating (and pretending to be a hard guy sleeping with all the girls). Think think think! He says he cannot live without sex for a month; so what happens when you travel? When you are pregnant and its gets complicated? Ask him! Do not fall for that. These boys are saying anything to sleep with you and bolt. If you shut the door, really they have nothing else to hang around for, so they leave.
You stand at a good place to protect yourself, your sanity and your emotions. There was a time sex had a meaning and you could trust yourself to someone. Now even the most trustworthy people have twisted sexual agenda; do not fall prey. One day you will meet a man who will be pleased with you for you. If you never meet such a man, be pleased with your self, you are woman; you are good enough.
Abeg what is the problem? There is none! I would think that the man would be proud of the fact that there is something kept exclusively for him, for marriage. You are right and there are men like that. Instead, they want to test drive, and when they won't get it, they scatter. Let them go, you are not a Kia Picanto. Now my question is what do men truly want? It varies from man to man, but Real True Men know what they want, and they look past sex to see it. If sex is his only preoccupation or the only thing he sees about you, then its either you have no value (in which case you must add more value than just virginity), or they don't see value (beyond their selfish interests).
I wish you love and luck
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