Side Chic 101: A Peek Into The World Of The Other Woman
Side Chic! That name comes at some people with so much force, they only feel the pain, the hurt and the crushing memories they have of a time in the past when one latched unto their father, brother or their own lover and left in her trail so much pain and hurt and shattered dreams. For others, it is a name that leaves them either grinning sheepishly or stiffening up uncomfortably because whether it is known or not, they are neck deep in it, and it is not a pleasant subject to bring up during dinner time.
But do people just get up and play the mistress? Do they just decide that of all the places a woman can be when it comes to love and companionship, it is the shadows they want to be in? It is important we face that reality that the world of Side Chicism or The Other Woman has been with us for a longer time than we probably are willing to admit. I guess it is now widely talked about because of the normalcy it has assumed, in an age where women are empowered to speak up and take control over their own bodies, and decide on what they want to do with it. There was a time where the Status Quo was for a woman to fall in line with all the social expectations on every issue that revolved around her, including what she could do with her body, and with whom she could do it with.
Things have changed, people want sex, just not in a committed relationship. People want companionship but not in the confines of marriage or protracted draining relationships. People also have material needs they want to see met, but lack the will, financial spring board, or social enablers to get out there and make it happen. For others yet, it is the love for the person they know they cannot, and should not have, but are unable, unwilling maybe, to pull the brakes.
The question as I see someone attempting to ask from what I have said above and all the discourse that has gone on on this subject is, 'is it always an 'evil' woman who goes after a man that does not belong to her?' My answer? I doubt it. Some women want marriage...and not to another woman's husband but their own man. Some want a family of their own; a companionship in people they can call theirs. Some do not have any financial needs they can't meet. So then what makes the second group of people end up becoming side chics? Legit question. That is where the callousness of men come in.
Let us look at the various types of Side Chics (as I have come to observe) so we can understand it better and see how to handle people who have been there, are there and are likely to be there.
There are different types of Side chics, but the dominant ones are about ten (10). I have grouped them into two broad categories: The Willing Participants and The Innocent Participants
The Willing Participants
The willing participants are basically ladies who are aware they are side chics. They could be bothered about it or not. They could have stumbled upon that information or might have known right from the inception. They could be thinking of opting out or are digging in. For as long as you are aware, you are a willing participant.
The Innocent Participants are mostly those who are in it thinking they are the main wives or girlfriends because the men lied to them and never found out until the relationship ended, or they found out and broke up.
Type One Side Chic
She is known to be perching a married man. She is known by both families (The man's and the Side chic's) and both families know her. She may have a child or two with the man, they are not married but well 'sorted' and taken care of. The man's wife also knows her. If the man does not come home at night and the wife gets upset and needs to find her husband at all cost, she knows the first house to drive to. If they meet in public, they may be cordial or they may just walk past each other. A few occasions, they may meet at a social event both of them are aware the other is attending. They will sit at separate tables and mind their own business. She is everything except The Wife. Some 'good wives' sometimes allow her children to come home.
This is common among the rich ill educated older men married to women of the similar class. They find these young blooded women as representative of all they never had in their days of hustle. Fresh, sexually attractive and modern and slightly bleached. Usually these side chics are not the 'hightime' kind who may be seen as coming after the man's money, even though that is what it is. They appear modest. But can be evil if they want to. She is normally a notch or two higher than the main wife on most indices.
Type Two Side Chic
This is similar to Type One. Except the true identity of the Side chic is not known to the wife. Other friends and acquaintances of the man may know her, but he act lost when the question comes up. The Wife might have insisted on not meeting her or the man might have insisted there is no need. There is generally a palpable sense of hostility when the conversation comes up, that the man feels anonymity is the best way to prevent a public drama. Generally the Side Chic knows the wife but not the reverse. The wife's friends are begging her to find out who she is and teach her a lesson, but she can't bring herself to do that. The Side Chic's friends are also calling for a show down. But she knows she would be shooting herself in the foot. Every body simply patrols their own streets.
This side chic could be as close as a church member, or as distant as a woman in another city. If there are any children, it is not known to the wife. She is not talked about. This normally happens with men who are considered Big Men. Men who have decided that they are tired of being with one woman. Politicians, business men, upper level civil servants, and generally powerful men who feel it is about time they grazed outside the fence a little, or settle with just one side gig after years of golfing on different courses. Normally they are older men, with the side chics being wild girls (a notch or two below Menopause) who feel they have passed the age of being taken, and therefore are acting all nice and sweet, so they can stay. But in the off stage calculations, they are looking to get their cuts and move on or stay put till the day they finally get to come out of the shadows.
These girls are likely to be your sister, the holy holy one, your boss who is everything sweet, but looks sad all the time when younger girls at work marry and or bring in their children. See, pressure has pushed me, she lies to herself. A child is always welcomed, but the man is smart. If I can't tell my wife about you, then I can't give you a child. If one comes up, generally it is considered a mistake and a huge fight takes place over her recalcitrance on the subject of abortion.
Type Three Side Chic
This girl is not known by anyone who matters in the man's life, except friends, maybe. The man has a reputation for being a chaser of everything in skirt, until he got to Scotland and got shocked. Anyway, He also has money, so his wife is not ready to lose that. She has therefore pitched her tent, ensuring that she and her children are well taken care off in the event that the man actually brings in another woman. She is just being preemptive in her thinking. She even has a prophet friend or two who constantly pray with her, sends spies around and after the man, yet always fails to catch the other woman or women.
This side chic really respects the wife, and will fall and die if it ever comes out she is the side chic. And she would do everything to stay hidden. She ensures that she keeps her side of the calling, visiting and meeting arrangements. She knows if she pushes too much, she may lose him. Just get your cut and spend his money when it gets to your turn. She always tells herself. This girl can be any girl. But they are usually the most unsuspecting girls, some being as unsuspecting as a close relative to the woman and being far removed as a colleague at work.
They are usually the kind men can easily dispose off when they are done with them, and fear no repercussions. They date these men with no specific plan except to enjoy the moment and take whatever comes their way. They also don't generally intend to become the main women. They are generally manageable. Most Side chics fall here.
Type Four Side Chic
This Side chic is unknown to almost everyone around the man because he is the most unsuspecting man. This girl could be an every day girl, she could even be the wife's sister, or the House help. It is only the side chic and a friend or two who knows. Sometimes no one knows about the relationship except the two of them. The original woman is always naked because she is known, but she does not know or even suspect that someone is sleeping with her man. And yes I am using man and woman, not husband and wife because this easily happens between single ladies, and married or dating men.
The lady keeps hope alive because there seem to be the possibility of her becoming a main meal. There is the domestic fight that never ends, the litany of complaints about the main woman, the lack of sex, respect and all. So on the basis of these complaints and the guy being soooo nice and not deserving all that he is going through, the other woman pitches her tent and hope the verdict will tilt in her favour.
Type Five Side Chic
The man is divorced....or has started divorce proceedings. That is the story they were sold. So there is no wedding ring. That even comes up after pretending to be single. The side chic would have fallen for him already. To her, he was single when they met, fell in love and later found out he has a family. Sex has gone down, money has been brandished, a few trips and excesses, the honey is still dripping. The lady is thinking, 'after all if all things go according to what he is saying, the divorce will be over in a year. Let me stay.' Which most often is not true. The wife may just not be in town with the family, or for whatever reason, they don't live together....Or they live together and everything is so perfect, you can't even begin to imagine how the guy does it.
This also happens with both married men and single men. For the single guy, he is the guy who has ended her relationship but the girl keeps calling. The girl whose family can't get it that it is over between them. A girl whose call he must always pick (excusing himself of course). A girl whose wedding gown they are fitting. So this Side chic, simply waits like the guy who was interviewed for the new role, the occupant of which is due retirement in a month. But will wait for ever because retiree can't seem to find the exit door.
This side chic is not interested in your wife, family or anything. In fact you are begging to be with her. She needs your money, yes. But if you can't pay they will not wait for you. Do not ask questions when their phone rings. You stand at the gate and call to find out if it is the right time to come in. In fact you don't show up without appointment. You saw a car parked in their yard, yes, it is a friend's. That should end your curiosity about the true identity of the visitor it. You throw a tantrum and you are out...unless you come begging with a car or a ticket to Mauritius. Or they are feeling generous, then you get to have a mind blowing one that should shut you up. She calls the short. Don't get too attached. You will sure hurt yourself real bad.
It is generally Pay to Enjoy. And clearly one person can't pay alone. These girls are connected because they do big levels. So being connected is to the man's advantage. Men don't go in with their hearts. They leave it at home. Give them good sex, or good money. If you can't afford Viagra for their fetishes, then give the money and let someone else do the job. They always have their boyfriends; robbing Peter to pay Paul is a sacred Mantra.
The woman here is the big girl in this picture. Has her money, her class and her life. Except she needs a man to play with....a man she can literally own. A husband is not good enough. Too controlling. A boyfriend is too limiting, drama-prone and emotionally involving. A young, broke married man who is good in bed, comes in handy. He needs the money, she needs the sex, obedience, companionship and ability to call the shots through manipulations. He feels excited about it. He is with a woman on a normal day he can't even say hi to. To the wife, she is a big sister her husband never had...or even meddle in the regions of the obscene and call her an angel. She is seen as a close guide or mentor to the husband on only God knows what, his boss maybe. These things,,,you can never tell. Nothing suspicious. She maybe the side chic, on paper, but she is the boss and he is her toy.
This is a purely contractual arrangement. Pay for sex. She may or may not be his alone, but she is broke and desperate, that she will grab any kind of line that is let down to her. From GHC5.00 Worth of call credit to an Everything-In-One-Room Apartment at Alajo, she will take with no questions asked and break a bed for you. She has no age or class limit. She is the every day girl hustling on the streets,with knuckles struggling to confirm to the rest of the touched up body, and posting pictures on social media from backgrounds she clearly didn't have to take shots from, considering the captions and how she makes her shots look like the ghetto is EL. Or she could be a university student.
These girls however, fluctuate. They can wake up at the wrong side of the bed and decide, they don't want the contract again. They want you. That means, mother or bis sis or her crazy friends are talking to her. That is when they call till you turn off your phone. Show up at your home or work place...Or... Go to their village shrine.
This is just like type five, except the girl may never find out until there is a break up. For them, they always thought they were the main girls. It's only the man and a few people who knew or know she is rather the side chic. They normally don't find out. They are dumped as a soon as the crumbs start leading to the truth.
From the above it is obvious that while some know where they are as women, in the lives of some men, a few honestly don't know or find out rather too late after so much commitments is made. Some know but choose to stay put because of circumstances they feel are beyond them, while others know but are full of hope. Then we have those who know but choose to stay because they find pleasure in being in a charge of a man who is desperate.
In whichever way you look at it, always remember it could be you and your man, with another woman taking away a part of what is yours. Remember that anytime cash drops on your mobile money or in your bank account, it is possible there is a child whose fee is not being paid, a wife who is not getting the requisite medical attention because there is not enough money left to take her to a high end hospital. Each time you two are together, whether spending time or having sex, it is home he can't be, his children who won't have their father and his wife who won't have her man to talk to let alone make love to.
You may not care because you may be like this forever... But if you ever intend to get to that place of having what you can call your own, then now is the time to let go of what is not yours. If for any reason,. you have moved in with a man you did not know was with another woman, forgive yourself move on and start again. Men will always prey on vulnerable women, so in all your quest for empowerment, seek emotional empowerment so you can ward off these predators.
They say women are their own enemies, don't prove them right.