Your Marriage Is Your Personal Responsibility; Take Charge!
I once attended to a client who works with one of the security Agencies; a woman in her early 50s by my estimation. When I was done with her and she left, she left her Car keys behind – keys to an American Brand SUV. I did not realize she had left the keys behind until the next client in line noticed it and drew my attention to it.
My first urge was to call the security man to run after her with the keys. However, before I could carry out that thought, the client, a young man in his late 20s, offered to chase after the woman with the keys. I whisked off the pull to the thought and smiled openly, thanking him as he rushed out with the keys.
Just when the door slammed behind him, I sensed this gulping miasma of apprehension. What if the guy knew the woman’s car and ran past her and drove it away? I decided that if by the count of five he was not back, I was going to get up from my desk and run after him. Luckily he returned as fast as he had left.
While I attended to him, my mind wafted off to the thought that I entrusted something I needed to keep with all seriousness to a total stranger because he said he wanted to help. A client came to my premises and left her property unintentionally behind. During the period the property was in my care, I was liable for its safe keeping. If I had not seen it and someone had stolen it, then the onus would have been on her to prove that she left it on our premises and on my desk. In the exigency of the situation, I was aware she left it there and therefore the liability was on me to keep it safe for her.
I put myself in a position of bearing serious consequences should the keys have been lost or the car stolen. Then it dawned on me that I did exactly what a lot of people have done in the past, are doing in the present and will potentially do in the future with their love lives, relationships and marriages.
Many of us, when bogged down with the cares of the world, leave certain things behind, undone and uncared for. We forget the sweet compliments we used to give and the little acts of kindness that was characteristic of us. We leave off patience, respect and humility; the very critical things we need in life to go on with our love lives.
In moments like these, we leave our concerned partners in a quagmire. It is not so much of a problem if our partners do not notice these changes. In such instance, you would be left on your own until such a time you realize you have drifted off from them. Unfortunately, like it happened with my client’s keys, the drift get noticed. The concerned partner notices the changes taking place in their partner. They notice that what keeps them going; what keeps the love life on daily ignition is not with them.
Sometimes, it is another person who sees the drift; a friend, a relative, a stranger. And when they draw our attention, in the heat of it all, they add their willingness to want to help. Let me talk to him, let me engage her, they offer. The person may be of the opposite sex or the same sex as your partner. We sometimes give in to their request because we may be momentarily overwhelmed and bereft of any plausible solutions.
At other times, it is the flattery we feel that someone wants to take off that responsibility, stress and sweat of fixing the drift. There are other times we fall on the proximity of the helper to our spouses and let them help – he or she goes back in time with your spouse that they are likely to do a better job than you possibly can. They are blood related so there is a better connection, we opine.
I was tied down with a lot of things, the guy's request seemed like the perfect solution to the situation. Again, I felt flattered that I wouldn't have to get up and run after someone with a bunch of keys. There was a young man ready to carry that load and it felt really good.
But what if it went bad? What if this person you have entrusted your marriage or relationship to wants your man or woman? What if along the line things take a different twist and the one you have entrusted your love life to, gets entangled with your partner and things take a different turn? What if they misrepresent you or in trying to mediate between you they mess things up and leave your relationship worse than before.
When the guy left, I started panicking, asking myself how much it would have cost me in time and effort to go after the client myself. The truth is, it was my duty to do it. That was why I was there. The other client noticed the keys had been left behind; that was where it should have ended. The rest was for me to pursue.
It costs little to pursue your love life to ensure it is on track. It cost a bit of effort but little compared to the ultimate price to pay if we let laziness, pride and acts of convenience get in the way. Many people have borne hefty price for abandoning their love lives on others. From mild complications to total mess they have borne.
Yes it pays to involve a trusted hand when things get out of your hand. Nonetheless, the first effort must come from you, and it must stay so until such time when you realize it is beyond you and it is only wise to seek for external help.
In seeking for that help, seek it from the right quarters. There was a security man at post who could have done that for me. Seek a competent person's help and do not abandon your love life to inexperienced sympathizers. Yes they may sound caring and concerned, but care and sympathy are not enough to fix serious marital problems.
This Marriage is for life, work it and make it work.
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